Reminder: Next time that you think hiding some meat in a vegetarian or vegan’s meal will be a...
Reminder: Next time that you think hiding some meat in a vegetarian or vegan’s meal will be a fun joke, please remember that even one bite has the ability to make them violently ill for the rest of the day since many vegetarians and vegans no longer have the ability to digest meat. Sabotaging someone’s food is dishonest, and everyone deserves respect concerning their dietary needs and choices—whether their diet is due to morals, religion, health, allergies, or preference. Remember to be a great person to one another.
See, the reason why I don’t like porn to come up on my dash whilst being in public is not...
See, the reason why I don’t like porn to come up on my dash whilst being in public is not because I think that my parents are going to freak out but because my mother makes me scroll back up to it and gives an evaluation of their ass, and I just can’t handle that.
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I need y'all's opinions on Agyness Deyn's...
I need y'all's opinions on Agyness Deyn's haircut. Ignore the colour, but tell me what you think about the cut. Please?
gerwell: Boooh once again I got very lazy with the last panels…...
Boooh once again I got very lazy with the last panels… But it's finished. xD
The forging of the great ring, and Celebrimbor realizing Sauron's deceit.
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npr: (via 22 Maps That Show The Deepest Linguistic Conflicts In...
npr:
(via 22 Maps That Show The Deepest Linguistic Conflicts In America)
Joshua Katz, a Ph. D student in statistics at North Carolina State University, just published a group of awesome visualizations of a linguistic survey that looked at how Americans pronounce words.
Among the words he maps are crawfish, syrup, caramel, lawyer, mayonnaise and pecan. He also maps regions by how they refer to a carbonated beverage (the age-old soda or pop question) and how people address groups of two or more people — though as someone who spent time in Pittsburgh, yinz seems to be conspicuously absent. — heidi
What's really fascinating about this is viewing it while living in an area that's 'accent neutral' (AKA: upper Missouri, Iowa, and western Illinois). Our accent is what's perpetuated in films and television, so we're completely unaccustomed to the other accents in the US.
thedrunkenorseman: Vegvisir Pendants by ~creativeetching
Anonymous: Psychological disorders are generally not something that manifests independently of...
Anonymous: Psychological disorders are generally not something that manifests independently of someone’s situation/experiences. Your’re saying yourself here that your mother’s upbringing caused her to develop an obsession with material possessions and an irrational compulsive need to accumulate things she doesn’t need. Obsessive & compulsive behaviors. OCD has a much wider definition than you may know and hoarding actually currently falls under OCD even if the person does not exhibit other typical symptoms
(cont) Also, the idea of donating or giving away possessions, to a hoarder, can be just as emotionally upsetting as actually throwing them away. Since they form such an attachment to the items, not having them in their possession & not knowing where they could end up causes them anxiety. Think of it almost like pets. If your pets were suddenly taken from you, or you could no longer take care of them, and had no way of knowing what would become of them, that’s somewhat of the level of attachment.
I think that what I’m trying to say, though, is that my mother’s actions and behaviours in her hoarding are not like the stereotypical hoarding of those with OCD. She hoards in the same way that Depression-era parents did when there was little food and things to go around, so each item was held onto and considered precious. The items collected are genuinely useful but over-prized even after the end of forced-frugality. This was something that she was taught to do, and she was raised to think that physical items were what made a person great. To say that she just has OCD ignores that her thinking and way of life were created to follow this understanding. She was never taught that a person’s worth could come from things other than their wealth or attractiveness. My mother certainly needs help, but the issues at hand would be her misplaced values and cruel behaviours towards others.
I feel as though it’s difficult to fully describe this situation to someone who hasn’t been around my mother nor her family. Having spoken to my mother’s mother late in her life, she explained that the women in her family for several generations had been taught to be insecure. Not just beating down a sense of pride, but my great-grandmother made damned sure that her daughters would never feel worthy, just as she had been taught to feel less about herself.
When I talk of not keeping the entirety of my mother’s things to which she’s attached, she gets upset because she thinks that I don’t value her things and thus don’t value her. She is upset that I’d give her rubberstamps to her friend because she is upset that I don’t enjoy the same exact hobbies as her.
It’s not hidden in my family that my mother is bitter that neither my brother nor I took after her in personality nor exact hobbies. I’m an artist and value art a lot, but because I don’t value the same arts as her, then my art is ‘pointless’. She is upset that I was not like her and upset that I didn’t carry the same values. She thinks that I’m trying to make myself ugly and look poor because of my actions.
I”m not going to argue all night about this. As I said, my mother certainly needs help. But pushing all of this behaviour onto a psychological disorder ignores the values she was taught and also ignores that she can simply be a cruel person.
An OCD for hoarding doesn’t give a grown woman permission to bully children about the way they look or things they own. That’s the real matter at hand.
Anonymous: Hoarding is typically a manifestation of severe OCD and is a deeply rooted psychological...
Anonymous: Hoarding is typically a manifestation of severe OCD and is a deeply rooted psychological issue. That your mother worries about possessions & what will happen to them if she dies to the point of extreme emotional response suggests that she very well could be suffering from these issues. Telling a hoarder that you’re going to throw away their things is extremely traumatic for them. One cannot just stop having a psychological disorder. It takes therapy and supportive, diplomatic family & friends.
(First, though, I've never said that I would throw away her things. I've told her time and time again that I would not keep them and would give them to people who could actually put them to use. I don't want to see those crafts supplies rotting in a storage shed when they could be used by someone who would love them. My mother would actually prefer for them to be in a storage shed that is mine and sit there for fifty years.)
The problem, though, is that my mother's hoarding is a product of her upbringing and her own insecurities rather than any OCD (which even though she can be obsessive and compulsive, she by no means fits the bill for having OCD). My mother is extremely frugal and has been raised to think that someone's worth is in their things. Someone who doesn't have a nice car is not as valuable of a person as their neighbour with a more expensive vehicle. Someone who does not have many possessions is not as worthy to her as someone who happens to have a collection. She thinks that the things she buys and has will bring her happiness and prestige, even though it's never proved to do so.
She places this same line of thought in the appearance of other people. If you have a tooth out of line, something wrong with your hair, a nose that isn't perfectly straight, she will inform you and remind you of it constantly. My mother is a very insecure person, and she takes that out on others by pointing out their flaws, which makes those around her often feel unnecessarily unworthy.
To my mother, it is a personality flaw within me that I do not build attachments to objects. In her mindset, my not wanting to keep her things means that I am (1) wasteful and (2) trying to forget about her once she's dead. She thinks that I am spoilt or spendthrifty for not wanting her used belongings, even if I don't need the belongings and will have no place for them. She also thinks that by not having constant reminders of her everywhere in my house that I will forget about her once she's dead.
The reality of the situation is that this behaviour is not a disorder so much as it's a product of my mother's belief systems and values. She was raised in upper-middle-class Midwestern suburbs, and she has never left this environment in her life. Her understanding of what gives value to a person is deeply routed in this area's line of thinking. This area of the Midwest in particular often holds the value of a person as a measure of their income or personal belongings, and frugality / holding onto items far past their use was a value in place here since the 1830s because of the mass migration of German immigrants into this area of Missouri. This only got worse in the Depression so that hoarding or unnecessary value placed in items is actually quite common here and in southern Missouri. My mother, having never viewed life outside of this environment, does not understand that her behaviours are unhealthy and greedy. In her eyes, they are the norm.
While those frugal behaviours exist in this area at an unusually high rate, they usually aren't as extreme as my mother's. I've come to understand as an adult that this is because my mother is insecure and places even further value in her belongings. She shows them off and believes that everyone judges her on her things. She thinks that passersby judge her car for not having shiny rims on the wheels; she believes that friends will judge her because she has forgotten to wear a certain piece of jewellery. She has turned frugality into a strange type of greed. She can never have enough things, and she can never let go of the things she doesn't need.
I can't blame my mother for being greedy and frugal because of her environment whilst growing up, and I can't blame her for feeling insecure or unworthy (once again, a product of how she grew up where the women in her family for over five generations were LITERALLY TAUGHT to be insecure). But what can be blamed upon my mother are her actions and behaviours that she pushes onto other people. I wish that I could blame these actions upon a psychological disorder; that would be nice and easy to do and easier to deal with. Unfortunately, my mother can simply be a cruel and misunderstanding person. She says hateful things to nice people and often places guilt upon her loved ones. Emotional manipulation is not uncommon, and she has no want to understand the actions of others but is much more likely to write them off as making another person out to be bad.
The short story of it all is that my mother was raised to be greedy and frugal and insecure, and they have manifested into an obsession with things as a measure of a person's worth and an unbearably judgemental attitude towards others. She may have psychological disorders (I know she does), but this is something different. This is what it's like to see the American Dream die in front of you and try to take as many people down with it as possible so that it feels less hurt.
What I’m trying to say is Sometimes, blaming a behaviour on a psychological disorder is easier...
What I’m trying to say is
Sometimes, blaming a behaviour on a psychological disorder is easier to do than admitting that someone may just be a terrible person with terrible values.
Well, that’s just fucking fantastic. Please never let me become the person that my mother has...
Well, that’s just fucking fantastic.
Please never let me become the person that my mother has become.
She guilt trips me about how I could be so horrible as to get rid of her personal possessions after death. I remind her that when that happens, I’ll be over 1000 miles away and living in another country. I do not want her things; I will not be able to store nor use her things; they do not hold sentimental value to me. The furniture, the room full of crafting supplies which are mostly scavenged junk, the endless bookcases of photocopied rubber stamp patterns… I have no need for those things, and I would want them to go to people who would use them. She has filled this entire house to the brim with junk; she is a literal hoarder who just makes it look nice. And she gets angry at me and guilts me and goes off crying and shutting me down just because I am honest with her that I will not be able to keep all of her things. I am being completely honest with her that I will not have the room and cannot use them and do not want them, so please stop guilting me. Please stop telling me that ‘if I get a horse, Missi will have to take it after I die’. Please stop throwing a fit and crying when I tell you that I will not keep your thousands of dollars of rubber stamps that take up a large portion of the basement. Please stop making me feel like I’m an awful person just because I don’t share sentimental value in the things that you do.
You are not your things. Your things that you don’t even use (fun fact, she has never used about half of her rubber stamps, fabric, nor other crafting supplies) do not mean anything to me.
Stop placing so much value in things.
Stop placing so much value in my physical appearance and hair as well. Things do not make a person. Rubber stamps and fancy paper and long hair are not what builds a life.
I’m so fucking sick of it.
junkqueen: Wait! they don't love you like I love you Wait! they...
Wait! they don't love you like I love you
Wait! they don't love you like I love you
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mAN, i NEED TO START GETTING TO BED A lot EARLIER. damn it, Elmer turned on capslock.
mAN, i NEED TO START GETTING TO BED A lot EARLIER.
damn it, Elmer turned on capslock.
byrante: kansass: DON'T DEVELOP CRUSHES ON PEOPLE OVE R THE INTERNET DO NOT DONT DON T DO...
DON'T DEVELOP CRUSHES ON PEOPLE OVE R THE INTERNET DO NOT DONT DON T DO NOT
Well unless you really want to.
I'm not going to drawn in conclusions on long-distance relationships as a whole, but I can tell you from experience that it turns out all right for some of us, at least.
It’s true.
YOUR FEELS ABOUT DOCTOR WHO HAVING GONE DOWNHILL THE PAST FEW SEASONS AND THE FANDOM BEING REALLY REALLY ANNOYING ABOUT MATT ARE THE SAME AS MINE YES THANK YOU
YOU'RE WELCOME I AM HERE TO PLEASE AND YOU'RE GREAT
Guess who got her Working Class Foodies Cookbook today? Guess...
Guess who got her Working Class Foodies Cookbook today?
Guess which corner the kitten has already chewed on?
inalifelimbo: chris and malissa tack 140-square-foot home...
chris and malissa tack 140-square-foot home near seattle
“you’re not allowed to go into the closet but only to come out” AKA: a series of...
“you’re not allowed to go into the closet but only to come out”
AKA: a series of advice to my kitten as well as to every questioning teen out there.
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